Last year about this time I was so fucking excited for 2018. 2017 was a horrible year when it came to money and mindset, but not just money mindset. It was just life mindset really. And honestly I had thought 2016 was bad! But 2017 wasn’t any better. 2018 turned out to be a weird one too. Weird but different.
The Personal Stuff
I moved from San Diego to Las Vegas in April. That was unexpected! Well, the Las Vegas part was unexpected. At the end of 2017 my husband and I were talking about leaving California because of his job and we were looking for something totally new and different to go. For a few years I had been wanting to move to Montana but because of his job we couldn’t. Late 2017 we were in a place to do that, so we began the hunt. He was looking for a new job and I was looking for a place to live. And then a wrench got thrown in the mix by way of a job offer he got in Las Vegas.
In the matter of three days my dreams of living in a cabin in the woods in Whitefish, Montana vanished and I was now looking at Vegas resort style condos and apartments. Mentally I had to switch gears wicked fast and it made my head spin!
But I’ll be totally honest, when he told me about the Vegas thing I was like “FUCK NO!” The last place I wanted to live was Las Vegas! I knew two things about Vegas. There was the Strip, which I love (we used to come here on little weekend trips and just for random road trips while living in San Diego) and I knew the part that you see on Cops…the dirty, creepy downtown area. In my mind one was the absolute worst and the other was going to be ridiculously expensive. As it turned out I was only half right. Vegas is much cheaper than I expect! And I really do love it here.
I also started to gain weight again toward the end of the year. In October I started to notice I wasn’t feeling well and during my monthly doctor visits (which I have to do because of the laws around schedule two meditations in Nevada since I take Adderall) I started to see my weight was going up. I didn’t feel like I’d been eating more or worse but something snapped in my brain and suddenly I WAS eating terribly. So my husband and I both will be going back on to the same diet that we had been doing with our doctors a few years ago starting in January.
Otherwise, on a personal level, 2018 was fine. Nothing really big and certainly nothing bad happened, which is always a welcome thing! And above all else I reconnected to my love of art! Unfortunately for the last few months of 2018 I haven’t been able to paint even once, but that’s changing in 2019!
The Professional Stuff
Holy crap…this was a year! Ups and downs and twists and turns and where I am ending the year is totally different from where I started.
I realized that my business wasn’t working for me and it was time to end the majority of it. I was no longer happy doing readings and I was having a hard time with my coaching and mentoring work (mainly everyone wanted it but nobody wanted to pay for it). I also was having a hard time with live online courses and teaching too, which made me really sad but it is what it is.
The feast and famine cycle of self-employment was horrible in 2018. I just got to a stage where I felt like I would rather not do the work at all than spend so much time on it and not make any money. It was the fifth year that I ended in the red (i.e. no profit) so it’s time to make a change.
I turned down two book offers because I knew if I’d said yes I’d hate myself for it later. One offer came with a contract that (IMO) only someone desperate to have their name on a book would have signed, and the other was literally going to be me taking someone else’s outline and research material and writing the actual book (and I disagreed greatly with a bunch of the material they had and when I was talking with the woman that was working on the offer with me about that she pretty much told me that I wouldn’t be able to make changes unless the editor approved of them since it was her work…and when I said “Why doesn’t she write the book then,” she said “Because she’s not the expert, that’s where you would come in.” Well apparently not! So both of those were no-go’s.
I also quit Facebook because I was just done with the energetic drain that it became. I also closed my online Coven for largely the same reason. Both of these changes caused me to lose a bunch of “friends” that, at first, really hurt but after a little time felt fine. If someone decides they no longer want to stay in touch with you because you do leave Facebook or close up a group you started because it was actually causing you unhappiness, then fine. They didn’t care enough about you to begin with and only cared about what you could give them, and when you aren’t giving to them anymore it’s curtains for your “friendship.” That’s a lesson I think we all struggle to learn but fuck ‘em, let ‘em go.
But it wasn’t all bad!
- I was nominated and voted both Favorite Witchcraft Blog and Favorite Witch Teacher for 2018 in the Witch Way Magazine reader awards.
- I had the chance to be on a bunch of awesome podcasts and meet some amazing people.
- I discovered that what I really wanted to do was art and design.
- I also discovered that the thing which truly makes me happy is research and writing.
And, at the end of the day, money isn’t what matters. What matters is that in 40 years I’m not looking back on my life and feeling like I have a huge of list things I wanted to do that I never did because I was chasing money and internet fame or something.
The Outlook for 2019
2019 is all going to be all about me doing stuff for me with everything I do that might be work or business related supporting “me” as the focus. What does that look like? Passive income and a passive business.
I’m going to focus on creating when I feel inspired and working solely on passive income types of things. Ebooks, workbooks, on-demand courses, and pre-made design assets. I have no schedule for anything, no plans for anything, nothing solid on my schedule. And the reason why is that won’t support the “me” theme right now. I think that once we’re a few months into the year I’ll be feeling ready for that, but for now, despite having ideas for things I want to do, I’m not putting anything on a schedule. I’m just feeling things out.
I’m going to be doing a little change to the site here just to make my blog the focus, since all of the other stuff that takes center stage right now isn’t important. I guess if anything that’s the only thing on my “to do” list, along with getting back into a blog schedule, right now.
Other than that…it’s all about stuff for me. That’s right, I’m putting me first, which I really don’t do. I kind of blame my ENFJ personality on that. My plans for myself include…
Finally reading the books in the massive pile that has been growing next to my desk for the last six months. (Include books I’ve had for review that I haven’t had a chance to read!)
Painting and drawing and making art! I haven’t painted since October and it’s making me nuts, so I plan to get back to having daily art time.
Working on my podcasts…of which I have two that I’m directly involved in creating (my own and one with my husband). Devin has also asked me to come back and co-host some episodes of The Modern Witch Podcast so I’ll be doing that too.
I also have been wanting to start a second blog, or maybe just a Tumblr page, for talking about and reviewing makeup.
And then there are the video games, movies, TV shows, and podcasts that I’ve had also piling up that I want to get into.
So yes…2019 is my year for me.
The Year in Tarot
2019 is a Hanged Man year. It’s a year for pause, for not really making big plans because chances are they aren’t going to go as planned, and more than likely you need to take a second look at things anyway. It’s a bit of a rest year and accepting that it’s not a time for progressing but reflecting, thinking, and planning for the future.
For me personally it’s an Empress year. That makes 2019 a great time for me to do this. And I can feel that energy big time!
2020 is going to be an Emperor year. Next year is going to be HUGE with change. For me personally it will be a double Emperor year because it will be the global theme plus my annual theme. I also have the Emperor as my birth card so 2020 is going to be a really, really big year. A very outward year. 2019 is my year to go within and get my act together because there’s no fucking way in hell that’s happening in 2020!
And then look out for that 2021 Hierophant year! I’ve really been nerding out on the tarot energies for the years ahead lately…lol.
Are You Ready?
This weekend, New Year’s weekend, I’m going to be settling in with my journals and cards and planners for the year to start looking at how I’m going get all my art made and books ready and video games eat before the end of the year. I love sitting down and doing that stuff. Journaling prompts and I are best friends.
How are you feeling about 2019? Are you excited about what’s to come? Have you sat down yet to do your reflection of 2018 and looking at your plans and goals for 2019? Have you done any readings for yourself yet?