Last week I scared the crap out of a bunch of people when I shared in my weekly e-zine that I was tossing around the idea of closing up my business. I talked about all the inner drama I’ve been dealing with for the last few months and how I was reaching a breaking point. “But, Jess!! You just did B-School…WTH!?!” I know, I know. And I was so lucky to receive a bunch of lovely emails and Facebook messages from people who were genuinely loving and encouraging about everything. All of this got me thinking about how we deal with things when they go to shit. Because I’ll tell you, things have been less then amazeballs around here lately.
So here’s the run down of what’s been happening…
I haven’t been eating – I’ve been so busy and so focused on trying to play biz and life catch up to everyone else around me that I work to the point that I don’t even eat. …that’s bad…
I am almost completely nocturnal now – I don’t get insomnia, I just don’t sleep normal hours. I tend to be most creative at night and when my mind is running overtime I’ll find that I can’t sleep at night and instead I end up on a bed by 5am wake between 1-2pm schedule. …that’s not good…
I’ve been wrapped up in comparison mode – I get easily pulled into the mode of comparing myself to others creatively and where I am in my business. …also not good…
The truth is I started taking my business seriously because of the fuel I had from comparing myself to someone else. I saw someone doing something that I felt I could do differently and serve a similar but different crowd of people so I ran with it. I also had to remind myself that I’ve only been truly treating my business like a real business for a year despite doing what I do for the last 7 years.
Because here’s the thing…If I’m not making money doing what I do then I can only do it for so long before I have to let it go. At the same time I don’t want to give up, not by any means! But it does get lonely around here sometimes and I start feeling like I’m just talking to myself and doing things for me.
I know a lot of people are always saying “OMG my life and business are so fucking amazing and awesome and every day is full of rainbows and ponies!”
Yeah, that’s not the case in reality for anyone. Let’s be real.
So while giving this brain stew a big once over here’s what I’ve figured out about how to deal with things when they’re going really shitty.
Don’t detach, be present.
We all have a tendency to detach a bit from things that get really uncomfortable. When we start to realize that things aren’t going our way in a situation we start to look for ways to avoid it or pull away. Stay present. Stay in that sucky feeling because if you don’t you’re going to miss the why of it which could teach you how to keep you from dealing with this over and over in the future.
This is another part of not detaching; accept that it is what it is. Rather than turning whatever it is into something else that might be easier to handle just accept things as they are. For me it’s been accepting that I started my whole business over again in January which means with a fresh start comes the need to start from scratch. Frustrating as it is, it’s a fact.
It’s all about choices.
Remember that regardless of what you’re dealing with or where you are in the situation everything comes down to the fact that you do have choices, choices in both the actions you take and the way you react and respond to how you’re feeling and what’s going on. Happiness is a choice and so is being miserable and wallowing in self-pity.
Don’t push through it.
Pushing through and not feeling what you’re feeling and facing that part of the situation is just a form of running away from things emotionally and trying to numb what’s happening. When you push through rather than take time to evaluate what’s happening and why it’s happening you miss out on the lessons it has for you. This just leads to history repeating itself.
Take time out.
This doesn’t mean running away from your responsibilities, but when things are getting to the point where you’re ripping your hair out or getting ready to throw in the towel, you have to take a break. Figure out what your essential “must do’s” are right now and meet those obligations. Everything else can wait, it’ll be there for you later when you’re ready to tackle with a more clear head. I’ll be taking time out this week for a big Arrested Development marathon when the new season starts on Sunday.
Do something special for yourself.
Do something for yourself, something that will give you some love and attention that only you can provide. Whether it’s sleeping in for a few days, going to the beach by yourself to read a book, or going to a week of yoga classes without fail, do something that will fill your well that’s clearly run dry. I realized this was a big part of what was missing for me lately so I decided to sign up for Gabby Bernstein’s May Cause Miracles online program. My
goal obligation to myself is to make time for it every day for the 40 days starting Sunday.
And a little something I started to do…Keep a Done List.
I am the queen of to-do lists but I realized I needed to start keeping a “done list”. I now have a list in the back of my Filofax called “What I’ve Done In 2013”. When I create something new, launch a new class or product, complete something important, I put it on my list. When I see how much I’ve done all in one place it makes a much bigger impact than trying to recall it mentally.
It’s all about taking care of yourself and being honest about what’s going on and then actually dealing with it and not running away or pretending everything is sunshine and roses when it’s not.
I’m also currently living by a new motto…
Don’t confuse fame with success.
How do you deal with things that go to hell in your life?