It’s February, the month of love.  As we saw from the angels reading and messages from yesterday, they are ready to just get rolling on with teaching us about love from the start of the month.  Today I felt compelled to keep on the love train and talk a bit about one of the topics that I deal with the most with clients who come to me for both readings and coaching, the subject of finding new love.  I thought that today would be a great time to offer up my 5 big keys and steps that I give to my clients when we’re working on this subject because they are so important but somehow few people do them.  If you’re struggling to find a new love, especially if you’re still looking after a marriage or relationship has ended and you haven’t found anyone new, then let’s get to work!

Before we dive into the big 5 keys, let’s look at something.  Check out these words…

RelationSHIP
FriendSHIP
PartnerSHIP

Get the picture?

All of these things have a key word in them, ship.  A ship takes you places, it carries you somewhere and it is a key part of a journey or adventure.  That’s exactly what our relationships, friendships, and partnerships should be doing for us!  They should take us somewhere.  We should be confident in knowing that someone on that ship is going to be able to navigate it when the waters get rocky too.  When our ships are stagnating, stuck at dock, or crashing into rocks all the time, they can’t get us where we need to go.  You might find that it’s time to jump ship or get into a different one that is going to get you where you really want to go.

Evaluate your relationships, friendships, and partnerships.  How watertight are they?  Are they staying afloat?  Are they being well navigated?  Are you heading where you’re trying to go, even if you have to take a few detours along the way?  The ship may not be perfect but if it is afloat and heading where you want to go you may just need a little cleanup on the deck.  No biggie.  But if it’s time to jump into a lifeboat, don’t be ashamed.  Save your life!  You never know where that ship might end up, especially if you can tell it’s just going to run aground again.

OK, boating metaphors aside, I highly recommend some evaluation time.  If it turns out it is time to look for new love, these 5 keys will help get you on the right path!

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Let Go Of Attachments To Past Relationships

This is so important and it’s often the last thing that people do.  I often find that if the person seeking the new love was the one that was left in the relationship they hang on to whatever strings they can like grim death.  There are two things that cause this, fear and ego.  The ego tells us that without this person things might be a frightening mess and the fear is a way that the ego works to try and protect us from more disappointment.  It has us hanging on to the person, memories of the person, and our connections to them in the spiritual realm as well.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t still have fond memories of someone that you shared your life with for many years or even just a few months, but if you are constantly thinking about them, stalking them on Facebook, or always turning your attention to “what if they were still here” then you’re sending a signal to the Universe that says “Don’t bother sending anyone new my way, I’m already attached.”

Letting go is the big first step but it’s also a scary step.  Simple things like giving yourself some space from them, removing things that trigger hurt feelings or painful memories from your home and space, and just simple working with affirmations to release them can make a big difference over time.  When it’s all very new and fresh this is going to be hard to do and you will want to be gentle with yourself and take it one baby step at a time.

Try using this affirmation.  Every time you find yourself thinking about and dwelling on your ex, especially in a longing, “what if” sort of way say:

I am now releasing _______ from my heart and my thoughts.
I am letting my attachements to _________ dissolve.
I send _________ love and blessings and welcome a new love into my life.

One thing I do get asked about a lot with the letting go process is whether or not someone should have a cord cutting done or do Cut & Clear magickal work.  My answer is always yes and no.  Yes, you should do these things but only when you are clear minded in making your decision.  A lot of people make the choice to do these things too soon and because of that they never really take the first time and cause even more problems.  Make that decision when the initial pain has passed and you’re able to be more objective about your future with this person.  {Because yes, I do believe some people have the ability to be friends with their ex’s in time, but never right away.}

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Set Intentions Not Limitations

We often talk about taking time to set intentions for finding a new love.  You’ll often hear about how you should take the time to get clarity on the qualities that you’re looking for in a new mate.  We take the time to pick personality traits, values, and maybe more details like “tall, dark, and handsome”.  Keep in mind that you want to set intentions not create limitations.  That means drop the “tall, dark, and handsome” from your list and stick to the things that allow for more opportunities to come your way.  More specifically don’t create a list that sets intentions based on:

Age
Location
Specific physical traits like hair or eye color
Career
Money/Net-worth

Now, I get pushback from clients on this, and I get it.  I often hear “But I have a type and I know I’m not going to be interested in anyone that isn’t 6′ tall and has a professional career.”  Sure, that’s a type, and that’s fine.  But is it more important to you that this person shares your core values than makes $100k a year?  If it isn’t then you may need to do some other evaluation first.  What I’m saying is not that you should compromise but that you shouldn’t put a limit to what the Universe might be able to put in your path.  You may be surprised to find that when you find someone who has the most amazing personality and who you connect with on a deeper spiritual level that their physical appearance becomes secondary.  Or who knows!  You may find that you still get Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome in the end but he comes mainly wrapped in the personality and values that you focused on first.

The Universe will follow with the limitations that you give it.  Give none and you open the floodgates to possibilities.

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Create Room For These Things To Flow To You

One of the hardest things after a breakup or divorce is getting back out there and meeting new people, but the trick to finding someone new is getting back out there and meeting new people.  You don’t have to jump right into something like the bar and club scene, especially if you left that life behind 20 years ago and the thought makes you cringe.

Ask yourself these questions:

What interests do you have?
What kind of things do you envision yourself doing with your new partner that you would both enjoy?
What’s one thing that you would love to spend a whole day doing if nothing held you back?
Where do you go that you feel completely free to be you and only you?

This is your jumping off point to creating a blueprint to how to get out there and where to start meeting new people.  So if you love knitting you might find a knitting club near by {when I was living outside of Boston I saw a flyer that showed one of these gathered three times a week at the local Starbucks}.  If you love to read, find a book club.  If you’re unto yoga find a new yoga studio with classes to attend {some yoga studios even do singles meet and greet nights as well}.  And if you still don’t know what to do, check out Meetup.com!

This doesn’t mean that you’re going to go to a knitting circle and meet the man of your dreams sitting there knitting his dog a sweater, but what you never know who you might meet that has a single brother, nephew, cousin or friend who might be interesting.  Again, no limitations just intentions!  Plus, if nothing else, you’ll be getting out among new people and polishing up those social skills so if you happen to just bump into Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome in the check out line at Target you wont feel completely awkward striking up a conversation.

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Accept You As You

Your faults, your flaws, and all your amazing, wonderful, and awesome traits come in the same beautiful package that is uniquely you.  Accept it so others can accept it as well.

I often hear things like:

I’m too old.
I’m too busy.
I’m too fat.
I’m not pretty enough.
I’m not interesting enough.
and so on and so on…

All of these are excuses why people, women especially, decide to trade in their little black dress for a pair of grubby slippers and a box of Snackwell cookies every Friday night.  These things are only true if YOU believe they are and if YOU project them out into the Universe.  Keep saying “I’m too old” and the Universe is going to agree and keep things coming to you, or not coming to you, in kind.

Accept that you are who you are and that your past has made you who you are today.  You aren’t your past, though and nor are you your future!  Be you in the present and accept how awesome you really are and just get out there and go for it.

RuPaul says it best: “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

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Take A Risk

This is the all encompassing, big finish key.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE A RISK!  

All of this is a big ass risk!  For anyone that’s going through the healing process of a breakup or still trying to let go of a breakup from 10 years ago, even if you’ve been with other people since, this is risking.  Your ego will bust out with all the stops and try to keep you from finding love again because it doesn’t want you to get hurt.  Understand that that’s what the ego does!  It’s just doing it’s job!  But YOUR job is to rise above your ego and get out of your comfort zone.

If you want things to change in your life then you have to change.  You have to take the reigns and do things different.  You can’t sit at home with your Snackwells and expect Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome to just appear at your door.  You also can’t expect this when you’re still hanging on to your old relationships and lamenting them day in and day out.

Keep saying your afraid, and you’ll be afraid.  Keep saying you’re going to be alone, and you’ll be alone.  But tell yourself that you’re ready to find someone who’s just right for you and you’ll find someone!  As simple and stupid as it may sound {hey, that’s your ego talking again!}, believe me, it’s true!  Get out there and take a risk and find your happiness because you deserve it!!

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