At some point we all fall into this trap of looking for approval and acceptance from people around us. This isn’t a terrible thing to a point, but we can fall into a trap that essentially kills our sense of self and or own confidence. This boils down to not being in alignment with our authentic self and it’s something that with 5 steps we can turn around easily.
Last year I was struggling big time with the idea of living in alignment with my authentic self. I had evolved. I had moved beyond the image of what other people had of me when it came to what I did professionally, and even personally. I felt like I was expected to do things a certain way, like there were things that it was OK for me to talk about and other things that it was completely taboo for me to ever bring up. I spent so much time talking about the same thing over and over, answering the same questions day in and day out, that I was feeling like a broken record.
I also found myself struggling to find new opportunities to explore the stuff I really wanted to be doing while still holding on to the false image that I was still trying to fulfill for other people. When I let go of it in January of this year, when I dropped the persona I’d built up around this false image that others had of me and it was like being set free from a prison that I didn’t even know I’d been in!
What is this authentic self thing all about?
“Authentic Self” is something that’s become a bit of a woo-woo buzz phrase but it’s a genuine state of being that we ideally want to get aligned with so we can live more joyfully, peacefully, and on a path to realizing our dreams.
When we’re talking about the authentic self we need to compare it to the false self, it’s “evil twin”.
Authentic Self – The self that is created by Spirit, formed by your true sense of self. It’s the sum of all your true dreams, desires, and loves along with your life’s mission {the thing that you were really put here to do}. The authentic self always wants to know what it can be of service and what it can do for others as a way to also serve themselves.
False Self – This is the self that is create for us by other people. It gets projected on us and we have a choice to either align with it or not. When we align with it we find ourselves falling into the approval trap because rather than being of service the false self just wants to take. The mindset of the false self is “gimme, look at me, pay attention to me, love me!” It does what’s easy because it’s what’s expected by others but it also needs approval to know it’s doing what’s expected – it’s a wicked Catch 22.
What happens when we align with our false self…
When we get stuck in the false self we end up forming opinions about ourselves based on other people’s ideas of us. We start to believe what they think about us and what they want for us. We start to believe these things because it becomes easy. If we’re afraid of dealing with judgment from others it’s far safer for us to align with the false self because we know people like that version of us.
But here’s the problem with this – when we start accepting this image of ourselves as truth we lose touch with who we are and what we really want for ourselves. Instead we now want what others want. We lose touch with our needs because they can go against the image of what others have of us, the image we have decided to take on.
In the end this creates a big disconnect between us and our authentic self. Because we’re living out an image given to us by others we are in a constant state of seeking approval from others. It becomes a way for us to get validation for what we’re doing and a way for us to seek love and attention.
Over time we can become fearful of showing our authentic self, to others. It may be so different from the image we’ve been portraying that we might worry about losing friends and support when really what we’ve lost is our sense of ourselves.
Your Self is your built in Law of Attraction magnet!
The self that you’re aligned with determines the energy and vibration you’re putting out in the world and what you attract back to you. When you’re putting out the vibe of the false self you attract experiences that match that image and which usually carry an element of lack and desire since you’re not really living out your soul’s desire.
When you’re aligned with your authentic self and your true purpose, dreams, and desires the Universe puts opportunities in your path that match that vibration.
When we’re not in touch with our authentic self and living out that vibration we’ll often find we struggle to manifest what we’re really looking for no matter how much work we put into it.
5 Steps To Let Go and Realign To Your Authentic Self
1. Forgive Yourself
This is the first and most important step, but also the hardest for some people. Know that you did the best you could at the time that you agreed to take on that false image of yourself. You did what you could with what you knew and felt at the time. You have evolved now and it’s OK to acknowledge and accept that you may have made a wrong choice in the past. You’re not perfect but you’re perfectly you! Flaws and all.
2. Identify What’s You and What’s the False You
Take some time to sit with the situation and ask yourself “What is me and what isn’t me?” Work to identify these things by weighing the image of yourself that you have been aligned with against the dreams and desires that you have at a soul level. Anything that isn’t part of who you truly are at a soul level needs to be released. Look at the things that need to be released and ask yourself what can take it’s place that is part of the true you.
3. Learn From Your Lessons
Ask yourself why you fell into this pattern. Was it to please certain people? What it because it was just easy? Was it because you knew that it would be easy to get approval by just being what other people wanted? Examine the what’s and why’s about where you’ve been so you can learn from these lessons. Lessons not learned are always doomed to be repeated.
4. Know That Change Is Up To You
Once you’ve examined things and you have some understanding of what go you here, remember that it’s up to you to take action to make changes. This can be scary because it means now defying the image you have carried out into the world for some time. Make a commitment to yourself to change for your own benefit, knowing that it will lead you to the things you truly want to attract into your life.
5. Be Mindful
It’s important that as you make these changes to be more and more aware and mindful of what you do, how you behave, and how you react and respond to people around you. In the beginning you’ll do a lot of weighing things against your false self and your newly discovered authentic self. As your mindfulness becomes part of you and part of your path of your authentic self you’ll find you need to actively pay attention to it less and less.
Getting in touch with your authentic self isn’t difficult but it takes courage and a willingness to let go of what’s been easy in favor of what’s true for your soul.
