Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. This could be awesome and exciting but it might also be a source of stress and sadness. I have to admit I have kind of an ambivalence toward Valentine’s Day.
I believe in expressions of love every day and flowers for no reason. I tend to feel like the Hallmark holiday of Valentine’s Day, at least as we know it now, does little more than make us feel crappy more often than not. We feel bad because we’re not with someone, we feel bad because we’re with the wrong someone, we feel bad because we feel obligated to spend money and do things that might not be true expressions of who we are.
The worst is when we feel bad because we just had our heart broken and now we’re being reminded of what we lost or what we feel we may never have. I’ve been there, you’ve probably been there…maybe you’re there right now.
Dealing with a broken heart sucks. There’s just no other way to put it. But if you know what it feels like to have a broken heart you probably know how great it feels to come out on the other side of it when we allow ourselves to be present with the pain so we can let go of it naturally.
The amount of love you give someone is equal to the amount you’ll hurt when they leave.
Think about some of the phrases we use when we talk about being in love.
- I fell head over heels. {You really should watch where you’re going.}
- I was blinded by his/her beauty. {Lesson – Always wear sunglasses.}
- It was love at first site. {Lesson – Wear lighter tinted sunglasses so you can see better.}
- I gave him/her my heart. {You really should be more careful with your stuff.}
- I gave him/her the key to my heart. {You really need to get the locks changed.}
We just naturally seem to associate love with pain and loss!
When we give away our heart we have to accept that we’re not getting it all back if we’re getting any of it back down the road. If we start by accepting that going in it makes the pain a little easier to get through because it’s kind of expected. I say that but I know from experience, like you probably do, that even though we know it intellectually, we end up with all the feels when it ends and we think we’re going to die because out heart will never be whole again.
When we’re hurt with a broken heart we can have gratitude for being in pain because it means that what we experienced really meant some to us! There is something in there that meant something to us that we can hold on to, which is perfectly OK. Even the ones that hurt us leave us with something beautiful that we’ll uncover in the rubble later on.
The pain we experience through a broken heart is a hidden blessing. It’s a chance to know more about yourself, to really get in touch with what you feel and why you feel it so you can start to let go when your’e ready.
This isn’t something to numb and walk away from, it’s something to embrace and really get into. FEEL IT!
Remember the one simple fact – you are human! Humans hurt! Humans experience pain! But humans also have the power to turn that pain into a powerful experience for growth. You have the free will to decide if you’re going to allow this to be something that will make you bitter or make you stronger. Will you let your broken heart define you or will you define a moment of growth by your broken heart?
The same stages we go through dealing with a death are the stages we deal with going through a broken heart.
Denial
That ranges from “This shit is not happening!!!” to “Oh no, this isn’t over, we’ll get back together soon.”
Anger
We get mad at them, we get mad at ourselves. How did we not see this coming? How could we let this happen? We get angry at other people wondering why didn’t anyone else let us know this was going to happen?!? Did they see it before we did?
Bargaining
We try to find ways to work out a relationship that we aren’t ready to let go of even if we know deep down we should. We try to find out what we did wrong and what we can change or fix so we can get back together.
Depression
This is everyone’s secret favorite phase because this is the one where you binge watch Scandal and eat pints of Häagen-Dazs. We have a tendency to shut down, not let anyone in and we can start getting defensive. This is also the biggest chance for personal growth but we have to decide if we’re going to do that work or not.
Acceptance
Eventually we accept. We get to the point where we’re ready to move on, ready to take charge and ownership of our heart again and take baby steps to getting back out there and opening up our heart.
The pain that we’re feeling and the thoughts that go through our head during a broken heart is often not as simple and basic as it seems. This is a pain that opens us up more to our truth and our authentic self. It helps us to learn more about who we are and who we are meant to be with. It’s a chance to recreate and reinforce boundaries in our life. It’s not just about figuring out where we go wrong with our tastes in men or women but figuring out who we want to be and who we want to share that with.
How do you stay positive through all this and get to the other side?
Just knowing that you can feel this pain is a reminder that you can feel love deeply. Knowing that you’ll feel that joy of love again is enough to give you hope and happiness in little dribs and drabs.
Speaking as someone who turned to drugs and alcohol on a regular basis to deal with my horrible relationships and broken hearts in my 20s, trust me, I know it’s easier to numb the pain because that hope and happiness is hard to find. But it’s there.
Here’s the thing to keep your mind focused on – once your heart has been broken wide open and you’ve let the pain out and you’ve cleared out all the crap from the relationship that’s ended you’re totally open and ready to receive. Once you let go completely there’s nothing but possibility waiting.
The big thing we need to do in the end with every relationship that causes us heart break and pain is decide if we’re going to define the relationship as a moment that broke us or a moment that helped up grow stronger.
Need A Quick Fix For Your Broken Heart on Valentine’s Day?
- Place cleansed rose quartz over your heart.
- Meditate on a time when you felt true love and joy that you created for yourself.
- Make a list of all the things that hurt you in this relationship and burn it.
- Take a warm bath with Epsom Salts and rose or lavender oil.
- Go out and do a kindness for someone else.
- Place you hand over your heart, look in the mirror and say three times “I love you.”
- Buy yourself flowers and chocolate for Valentine’s Day.
- Buy a box of kids Valentine’s Day cards, like the ones you handed out in elementary school, sign up and then leave them in random places around town address to “Whoever Finds This”.
:cupid: Are you really ready to let go of a past relationship that broke your heart and has been holding you back? Check out this post, 5 Keys To Calling In New Love.
This was awesome and what I like the most is the buy valentines that you got as a kid and sign them and leave them around. I think I will be doing just that tomorrow. Happy Happy Valentine’s Day Jess and thank you from my heart to yours <3 🙂