Let’s face it; sometimes people are the worst. They disappoint us, let us down and leave us high and dry at important or desperate times in our lives. There are always going to be moments where we’re utterly disappointed by the people we love the most. If you’re lucky these times are few and far between but when they do happen it can be soul crushing.
I’ve had both friends and family let me down at times I thought they would be right there by my side supporting my decisions. From the choice to not go to college to the choice at the last minute to go to a two year school to personal choices like who I dated, where I lived and how I would spend my money. Rather than being supported for making choices that I believed in and stood by I was often faced with people who were angry or disappointed in me for choosing something that they may not have chosen for themselves.
Since we all know that living a life dream means eventually living it out in the open, you know you may to have to have to deal with people who are going to come along to rain on your parade. Some will do it without realizing it will others are going to come along and do it very much on purpose and with gusto.
Recognizing The Debbie Downer’s
Sometimes when we have honed in on our big dream and cretinoid a plan for it we start to share it with people around us. We also have a chance to have a few people that come along and disagree with our ideas and who would rather see us not go after our goals. Sometimes this is because of real concern for our well-being and sometimes it’s out of jealousy.
You may hear people share their thoughts and ideas in a less than positive way.
“My best friend’s cousin tried that and it did NOT end well for her.”
“I quit my job once to start my own business and I was right back to work three months later because that shit never works out.”
“Sure you could give it a try but if this doesn’t work out think about how much you’re going to set yourself back!”
“It must be nice to even be able to have this kind of a daydream!” {oh, those are my favorite comments.}
There are two things to look for when you’re sharing your plans with those around you.
– Does their response excite you and light you up?
– Does their response make you feel small and cause you to question all your big ideas?
When we find ourselves feeling small because of the response we get from someone we really need to back away from them. People who make you feel like shit for daring to dream of something bigger and better for yourself will make you feel small and horrible for doing this because of their own insecurities. They may very well have tried something similar and it didn’t work for them, but you have to ask yourself {and them if you feel really ready to have the conversation} why it didn’t work out for them. Were they committed to the process? Did they put in the needed time and effort? Did they do all they really could for their dream?
Some people will piss on your idea simply because they’re too scared to do anything like this themselves. They’re simply jealous and secretly wish they could have the guts you do to take this leap. By holding you back it make them feel better about their choices and their situation that they are keeping themselves in.
Dealing With Debbie Downer
There are a couple different ways you can approach the Debbie Downer’s but you need to first make sure that their comments are actually downers as opposed to sane and legitimate concerns for your health, future and well-being. You may have a dream that is going to take you from a solid salary and benefits package to having nothing but a hope and prayer; they may have some legit worries for you.
Hear them out. They could actually be right. More times than not, this isn’t the case but there are times when we may be jumping ahead with a dream or passion without plans or anything to fall back on. If your dream also has a solid plan of action be sure to share that with people who have a less than positive reaction since it can often put their minds at ease.
Here are three ways to deal with someone who comes to you with an unsupportive response:
– Ignore then
– Talk to talk
– Cut them loose
Ignoring your naysayer can be tough, especially if it’s an immediate family member or a spouse, but it is one way to deal with her negativity. Let go of their words, ignore their “advice” and be willing to stand up for yourself in the future if they make big unsupportive gestures. This isn’t an invite to have a battle of wits. If they ask you later “So how’s that big dream you had going?” you have the choice to simply say “All’s well, thanks” or to engage them in an actual conversation. Know that if you do engage them you’ve invited whatever vitriol they may bring.
If you do decide to talk things out, there are a few things you can try to simply get your point across.
Explain that this is something that is important to you. They may not get it but you do {this is often the case when there’s a generational gap in play}. When you put whatever you’re going to do in the context of “I want to give this a try” it comes across in a way that shows that even you don’t know for sure that this is going to work or if it’s something that’s going to last. You want to just try it out and see what happens.
Let them know you have your own worries and fears about this and that one of those is the fear that if you don’t do it now you may never have a chance. Maybe you’re in a situation right now where you don’t have a lot of debt or you may have a little cash in the bank so you can afford the financial risk. Maybe you don’t have kids or your kids are still little and you may be able to spend the time and money on your dream for the moment. By being able to explain things in these terms it shows people that you’ve thought about this too and you’ve give it serious thought and that you aren’t simply acting on a whim.
When talking to them doesn’t work and when asking for your space or explaining your own concerns doesn’t work, then it may be time to put some distance between you and those unsupportive people in your life.
If someone constantly pops up with bits of “sage advice” about what you shouldn’t do and how you need to go back to doing something more “stable” it’s time to reestablish your boundaries. This may mean having a conversation where you let them know that while you appreciate their concern you have it all under control but if you need their advice you’ll be sure to let them know. This let’s them know you’re hearing them and you value their concern even though you don’t feel you need it.
On the other hand things could be beyond that kind of help and you may need to sever ties, even temporarily, so you can do what you need to without them weighing you down.
This is also a time to really recognize yourself as being strong, brave and daring. Even just sharing your dreams and goals with others is a big step to making them real. Sharing them with shitty people that want to make you feel like a loser for even trying makes you extra brave!
Remember these things too:
You’re only on this earth for a short time so follow your passions.
When you have decided to make the commitment to giving your passion a real go, be committed 100%. You only have so much time to live your life and do your thing here. You have to decide if you’re going to see what can come of your dreams or if you’re going to live with a “what if” sense of regret down the road. Even if other people don’t support your dreams, it’s your life and you deserve the chance to live it your way.
Not everyone is going to understand you and your dream and that’s OK.
It’s your dream, it’s your goal and the only person that truly needs to understand it and know what needs to be done to make it work is you. If others don’t get it and therefore don’t support it that’s their choice. At the same time you may not want to totally write off some of these people. Given time and once you are able to make some progress and show you aren’t wasting your time and resources some people will likely come around.
Support is nice but it’s not necessary.
We always have a desire to receive support from our friends and family and those who are special to us. If they don’t support you for whatever reason know that you will find support in other places and that you can do this with them. You can’t make everyone happy but the one person that you should be willing to go the extra mile to please is yourself. As long as you’re not doing something that will hurt yourself or anyone else go for it, even if you have to do it on your own.
