Hey, Happy Valentine’s Day, friends!

I’m not a big Valentine’s Day person. There’s no real reason, it’s not like I have love trauma or hate love or anything like that. I think, if anything, I feel like the sentiment of Valentine’s Day should be part of day to day life. But I get how having a special day dedicated to love can be helpful, especially in our world of 24/7 distraction.

I thought that for this Valentine’s Day blog rather than talking about love spells I would talk about love in another. I love pop culture but I fucking hate romantic comedies. Any romantic comedy that I end up liking I usually like for another reason, like my favorite actors are in it or it takes place in a setting I love.

In general romcoms give a really bad expectation of what love should look like. Since many people {ok, let’s be honest, I’m talking about girls here} start watching these movies when they’re young and impressionable their expectations of love end up ridiculously high.

 

OMG, stranger danger!

Why is it that in romcoms the idea of falling in love with someone you don’t know, and maybe never even met in person, is a good idea? I get it, online dating is fine and all, but there’s a boundary that should exist there that doesn’t exist in the movies that’s silly in real life. When Meg Ryan is falling in love with Tom Hanks in “Sleepless In Seattle” why does it seem like the idea that he could be a serial killer just never cross her mind! And these two do it again in “You’ve Got Mail” but at least someone has this thought for half a second! ’Shopgirl’ keeps telling ’NY152’ details about her life the more comfortable she gets with “him” {because how does she really know} which in the real world could be the perfect recipe for a horror film, not a romcom!

 

 

 

Makeovers are always the answer!

Fuck being yourself! If the guy you love doesn’t think you’re amazing just the way you are, go and get a makeover. But we’re not talking just getting your hair and makeup done. We’re talking total personality shift. Why does nobody try and stop Sandy from doing a total 180 on her personality and appearance just to snag Danny in “Grease?” And why does he fall for it!? He’s a total two faced creep and she’s all “yeah, it’s cool…I’m just going to tease my hair, wear leather pants, and take up smoking so he’ll love me!” You’re hopelessly devoted to a spineless wimp, Sandy!

 

 

 

If you don’t want exactly the same things in life, things will never work!

So one of my favorite romcoms is ”Say Anything.” This is because I was in high school when it came out and I could kinda sorta relate in a general sense to the story, but also because I did, and still do, absolutely adore John Cusack. One thing that bugs me about this story is the idea that if you don’t want to do the exact same things with your lives you’ll never work as a couple. Granted, this isn’t Diane or Lloyd’s fault; this is really something that Diane’s father sort of pushes on her. He feels that if she’s in a relationship with the less ambitious Lloyd that he’ll hold her back from going to school abroad and doing big things with her life. After initially breaking his heart and doing what her dad wants, she finds out her dad is actually a terrible person and that the last thing he should be doing is advising anyone on how to deal with people. Thankfully Diane turns things around at the 11th hour when she realizes compromise is actually an option.

 

 

 

If at first they don’t like you back, stalk them into submission!

OK, this is another bad lesson from “Say Anything” but when Lloyd can’t get Diane’s attention, and he has to photo bomb her at graduation to even get a picture with her, he basically stalks her whole life to get her attention. It’s a good thing the internet wasn’t a thing yet because she really would have been in trouble. But then, this movie would have probably had a different ending if that were the case.

 

 

 

 

If someone basically says they want to kill you, they must really love you!

Sadly this lesson shows up a lot in romance movies, romcoms and other movies where love is central to the story. This also goes with the last lesson but it’s like more like its dark cousin. It’s the idea of rage and love being the opposite sides of the same coin. There’s the whole dysfunctional Bella and Edward relationship in the “Twilight” series that is basically kicked off with him having to restrain himself from killing her the moment they meet. Then there’s are situations like the one between Nicole and David in “Fear.” And of course who can forget suicidal gestures, exploding car batteries, and boiling bunnies in “Fatal Attraction.” Just because he, or she, would kill you, or kill for you, doesn’t mean there’s love there. Obsessions isn’t love.

 

 

 

If you’re a girl, just wait and things will fall into place and Mr. Right will just happen!

This is another from one of the few romcoms I actually like, but it’s a bad, bad lesson that is a bit of a romcom theme. If you’ve seen the movie “Never Been Kissed” you know that the entire movie consists of Josie waiting for her fake English teacher to make a move and kiss her, or ask her out, or something. But…HELLO?!? Does nobody want to talk about the fact that she’s actually 25 but as far as he knows she’s 17 and he’s clearly into her?! But in the end rather than just going to him and apologizing and telling him the real story, she writes about it in her newspaper article and tells him to meet her on the baseball field before a game to come and kiss her. Seriously!? You obviously aren’t that interested because how do you even know he saw your article! OH, wait…that’s because you’re a girl in a romcom so naturally things will work out and he’ll come a runnin’! Spoiler Alert…he does.

 

 

 

In the end, love should be about being yourself, knowing compromise is a real thing that makes love work, and that if you’re really into someone there are no rules other than no committing a felony.

And here are two bonus thoughts based on two movies that I really hate….

Don’t settle, even for a little while, because you have a low opinion of yourself {“Bridget Jones’s Diary”}, and don’t look for someone to “complete you.” You should be complete to start with and another person should just add to your life {“Jerry Maquire”…so ironically two Renee Zelwegger movies}.