I wanted to take a quick moment to talk a bit about this word and concept of “fear”. It is the big woo-woo, spiritual, self-help buzzword these days. Everything going on seems to have to do with fear – facing your fears, working with God through your fears, and learning how to turn fear into love. In a lot of ways that are bits of great wisdom in these teachings, but some of it seems to be putting people into an even worse position – hiding and masking fear with love and light rather than really learning if their fear is real and valid, and then most of all, dealing with it!
There are two kinds of fear – there’s the fight or flight fear the keeps you out of mortal danger situations, and there’s the projection based fear, the fear our ego and imagination creates. There’s a very revealing acronym for this kind of fear.
F.E.A.R.
False Evidence Appearing Real
That’s exactly what most of the fear we face in our lives is. It’s an imagined projection of what could be.
When we’re afraid it’s usually around something that hasn’t happened yet. Rarely, though I won’t say never, but very, very rarely are we ever afraid of something that has already happened to us. And even when we are, that fear is usually centered on what might happen to us if that thing happens again in the future.
The ego has a lot to do with this. Our ego works hard to keep us safe. We might not always understand its tactics, but that’s ultimately what it’s trying to do. Often the ego projects fear into our lives so that we don’t do something that will embarrass us or cause us to experience something emotionally painful or potentially damaging, especially if we’ve had similar painful experiences in the past.
Fear like this means fear that holds you back. You don’t apply for a promotion at work because you don’t want to be told you’re not good enough or you’re not qualified. You don’t want to ask out the guy or girl you’ve been eyeing at Starbucks every day because you don’t want to be rejected. You don’t move to the middle of Oshkosh away from everyone and everything you know despite feeling drawn there because you don’t want to be lonely or fail if it doesn’t work out.
In each of these situations the fearful, less than positive result could just as easily go in the other direction. That promotion could turn out to be something you’re ideal for and it turns out to be your dream job. The guy or girl you ask out can’t wait to give you their number because they’ve been watching you too. And Oshkosh ends up being completely amazing, with fast friends and a sense of being home like you’ve never known before.
If you give in to your F.E.A.R. you never know what you might end up finding on the other side.
That’s where bold action, but a little detective work, comes into place.
Do you have a misguided or illusionary view of what’s happening right now?
Ask yourself if the events causing your fear, or anything around your fear, are being seen crystal clear. Is there something you’re not really understanding? Are you filling in the gaps of things with your imagination or what you think might be happening or what might happen soon? What is happening in your situation right now that you can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt is real?
Are you distorting the events of the past to justify your current fear?
We have a tendency to make an unpleasant event from the past seem like the biggest hell we’ve ever experienced, even when it really wasn’t and there’s nothing to prove that it was as bad as we’re remembering it. Here’s one many of us can relate to – going to the dentist. You know you should go but you’re afraid of going because the last time you went it was painful. You tell yourself it was like being tortured being stuck in that chair while someone drilled and poked in your mouth. You think right away to the blood there might have been, the needle of novacaine you had to have, or the pain you were in later in the day when it wore off. “It was torture!” In actuality it might not have been that bad and the pain may have only lasted an hour or two. There’s also no way to know for certain that this will happen to you when you go this time and to say “but it could be worse” is to give in to your F.E.A.R.
Are you overemphasizing one element of a situation rather than putting value on the whole thing?
We do this a lot without realizing it. We take a single element of a situation and give it far more weight than it deserves while the rest of the situation isn’t considered to be an issue. We create an imbalance that causes us to be even more fearful. I’m a great example of this one because I have a fear of flying. I don’t mind being in the air once we’re there, and I don’t mind all the airport security and the getting situated and all that. What I focus on the most, and ultimately have fear of, is takeoff and landing. Could just as many things go wrong at other times in my journey? Sure! But I put a lot of value in what may or may not happen during those two points in the trip and the projected possibilities cause me to avoid it whenever possible.
Like most people and their fears, I’ve never had anything actually happen to me personally to make those fears rational. Nothing’s ever happened to me during takeoff or landing the times I’ve flown to actually make a fear of flying rational. So I’m simply projecting my concerns into the future. It’s a False Reality Appearing Real.
The key to dealing with your fears…
Observation.
Observe your fears and don’t be afraid to pick them apart.
Break them down and find proof if it exists.
Ask yourself if you’re looking at certain things more than other things. What are you over emphasizing?
When you do make a decision about something you’re fearful about, own that decision and trust that decision.
Remember that you are not your fear and it doesn’t define you or your decisions and life choices. While some fears can be very real, these are the life and death fears that we face rarely, not the day to day fears that we often think are stopping us from living our dreams. Even your worst case scenario has a way to work out in the end if you take a long, rational look at it. But to do that you have to let go of your fear.
Fear based on what’s happened in the past should help inform your future choices but it shouldn’t make the choice for you. When we let go of fear, realize it’s just a projection from our mind onto the future, and we trust in following our heart and our inner guidance, we replace fear with another F word. Freedom!
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