The things I didn’t expect to happen included…
- Going into therapy because my life was starting to look and feel like a giant mess.
- Having such a hard time adjusting to being on my own at first.
- Completely falling apart creatively and professionally and losing just about everything.
- Having almost daily panic attacks because of my financial situation.
- Meeting my soulmate.
Divorce was just inevitable.
When I was planning to get divorced, one thing I contemplated before was that I wouldn’t have money anymore. I tried hard to not let that be a factor in my decision. I focused on the state of my physical and emotional health, my sense of happiness, and thinking about how I would feel in five years if things stayed the same. By then, I’d be approaching 50, and if I still felt the way I did, I knew I’d be in big trouble. So, I made the call and ended things. And that’s OK. It was the best thing for both of us, really.
Meeting my soulmate was a fucking shock!
I knew I’d eventually meet someone in the future. And I DID NOT expect to find him on a dating app! I didn’t imagine that I’d be back on the east coast for two months and, on a whim, end up meeting the person that I clearly have been looking for my whole life.
I had joined some dating apps when I got back to Connecticut mainly so I could meet people and at the very least make some friends even if I didn’t find love. But everyone I talked to on these apps was awful. I deleted all the apps but one. It was one I hadn’t signed up for yet. I decided I would try it since I already had it installed. If I didn’t meet someone there or if it felt like more of the same, I was just going to delete it and move on without worrying about dating.
I filled out the basics on my profile and uploaded some pictures. I started to work on adding some personality to things when I got my first message about two hours later. That’s when I met Josh.
Now, I had a few rules. One of the big ones was that I didn’t reply to people who only had the basic required info filled out but hadn’t taken the time to write about themselves. When I got a little hello message from Josh, I looked at his profile, and right away, I felt my heart skip a beat because he was so cute. But then I felt it drop a bit when I saw he hadn’t written anything in his profile. Except for one thing. A line from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. “I’m a loner Dottie. A rebel.”
I tossed my rules out the window and messaged him back.
Within two days we moved from messaging in the app to texting. A week later, we met in person for the first time. We already knew from our week of non-stop texting that we were falling for each other, and we each felt like we’d found our true soul mate.
And we did! Six months later, here we are; things couldn’t be better. I still get butterflies when he kisses me, he shares in many of my nerdy loves, and he always makes me laugh or smile no matter what’s going on. And I know this will sound weird, but one of my favorite things is that he DOESN’T “take care of me.” Josh isn’t going to save me from myself or rescue me from being an idiot. He expects me to be an adult and have my shit together. And thanks to him, I’ve been working more at doing that. He’s also a big part of why I went into therapy this year!
Therapy has been great.
I was diagnosed with ADHD after a suicide attempt in my 20s. I was also diagnosed with Bipolar 2 but was later re-diagnosed with Generalized Depression, which, in my 30s, developed into Major Depressive Disorder. A few months after moving back to Connecticut, I realized that I was really having a hard time adjusting to being on my own for the first time. Yes. I’m a 46-year-old adult woman that has never had to fully care for herself.
The one thing that was happening was I was very quickly blowing through all the money I got in my divorce. Money that was supposed to carry me for a year or two. This was because of a combination of things. I was having a hard time adjusting to living within a new set of financial means. For years I didn’t have to worry too much about money and was able to buy things without having to overthink it. The other issue piggybacks off that and is related to my ADHD.
One of the things that we ADHD brains have is a major problem with dopamine production. This leads to things like excessive and impulsive actions. Everyone is different when it comes to what kicks off that dopamine rush. For some, it’s sex, alcohol, or drugs. For me, it has always been shopping. I can trace my terribly excessive spending back to my teen years. Through therapy, I can also see all the signs that I have had ADHD since I can remember, but it was never diagnosed.
The good news is that therapy has been helping me learn more about how my brain works and why I need to not beat myself up so much about certain things. I just function differently. I’ve also discovered that I have a bad case of ADHD Fatigue. My Chronic Fatigue Syndrome that I was diagnosed with back in Las Vegas may have been Major Depressive Disorder with ADHD Fatigue. It gets in the way of my everyday life. It makes it hard for me to do things like hold down a job. This leads to more stress about money and the future, which keeps me awake and mentally exhausted at night. That triggers my insomnia, which makes it hard for me to function so I can work a regular job…and then rinse and repeat daily.
The good news is my mental health diagnosis was adjusted. I am now in remission from Major Depressive Disorder. However, I still have ADHD (and always will) and Generalized Anxiety (mainly triggered by my ADHD). I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder due to my divorce and all the life changes that came with it.
Going into therapy has been one of the best (but unfortunately most expensive) decisions I have made for myself since my divorce. I’m glad I’m doing it, but it’s leading me to feel the need to make some significant changes for 2022.
I am ready to make some big changes professionally in 2022.
Here’s the absolute honest truth. Since I kicked off my existing business in 2013, I never truly took it seriously. Well, I did, and I didn’t. I didn’t HAVE to treat it like it was my job because I didn’t need the money. My ex made more than enough at the time. He always encouraged me to stop doing it and just enjoy life. But I felt like I needed to be doing something, so I tried to get my business going.
2015 was the best year I ever had. I made a lot of money, had a lot of visibility, and was able to ride off that for a while into the next few years. But then I went back to half-heartedly caring. And I regret that. Deeply.
Now it’s about to be 2022, and my life is entirely different. My need to be successful with what I do is on a different level. I can’t work outside of the house because, with my ADHD Fatigue, I need to take frequent breaks, and most days, I need to take about a 2-hour nap in the early afternoon to get through the rest of the day. Obviously, that doesn’t make for a great employee in a traditional job! That means the need for my business to work has become essential.
One of the worst things about ADHD is that I have TONS of ideas, but I struggle to execute them.
I have a notebook FILLED with ideas for courses, ebooks, workbooks, online workshops, and products for Etsy that I have been working on for two years. Every now and then, I look at it and think, “Yeah, this is a great idea; I would love to do this!” But when I do it, it’s hard to get past the planning stage.
I’ve given in to this for the last year, but now I can’t, so I’m getting ready to run wild with some stuff I’ve wanted to do. I’m going to FINALLY finish the revamp of Intuitive Badass, which will now be called Tarot Badass Academy. It will feature several courses, not just the initial tarot course. And I have a few things that will be coming over the next month that I’m going to be a little hush-hush about until they’re ready to launch. Here’s a hint, though…
You’ll be able to get lifetime access to every digital product I have created. Past ones that are no longer available, present ones…even future ones…with a lifetime digital library. (Not gonna lie, I’m super excited for this one!)
And I have a little something for you…
Originally, I planned to do a Witching 2022 planner this year, but it didn’t work out. I could have rushed something, but I didn’t feel good about that. Instead, I have a small freebie for you. It’s a printable lunar calendar! Sign up below to grab yours.