Welcome to this week’s Ask A Witch! This week we’re going to tackle one of my favorite topics…because I’ve been there…the topics of letting go after a breakup. This is hard shit! So let’s see the email I received and talk about it.
I recently ended a relationship that turned into toxic and was killing me on the inside, mostly because he was only using me and did not appreciate me at all, and I know that I am worthy of everything, especially when it comes to my happiness. I have a hard time letting go and moving on. I’ve already deleted him and blocked him out of my contacts entirely in terms of phone, fb and what not. I’m not sure how to let go because I am ready to move on, and to be myself again. I lost myself these past few months and I am slowly becoming the person I used to be, but I want to be the best version of myself What should I do? Please help.
— J
Hi J!
I get it. This is a tough one, but it sounds like you’re actually already at a good place with this because you’re saying you’re ready to move on and you’re feeling more like yourself. Off to a good start!
First, know that it will take time, especially if this was a relationship that you were truly invested in emotionally regardless of how long or short it may have been. Don’t try to force yourself to feel something you don’t or that you just aren’t ready to feel.
In general you know that you have moved on when you can think of your ex, and not feel the hurt or angry feelings that you felt when you ended the relationship. You’re never going to forget him completely…it’s not like you’re going to erase your memories of him and the time you were together. And you shouldn’t have to! Always remember that everything that happens to you, every relationship you’ve had, good or bad, has shaped you to be who you are today and who you’ll be tomorrow.
Since you already acknowledge that you are worthy of more and you are worthy of happiness, it’s time to find where you get that already in your life. Who makes you happy? What makes you happy? Who or what supports you and makes you feel whole, loved, and worthy? I want you to find those things and make a list. And at the end of making that list read them out loud, really feeling how each thing on that list makes you feel.
Speak these things slowly, feeling your way through, and have gratitude in your heart as you speak them out loud. This speaking aloud amplifies the vibration of these things in your life and attracts more of it. When you’re done and you’ve said the last thing on your list, say loud, proud, and with conviction…
THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!
YES, MORE OF THIS, PLEASE!
After doing this give yourself a little time to just feel this energy expand in your life. Take a few days, a week, a month and just be mindful of every little thing that makes you happy that shows up in your life. The more you look for it and the more attention you give these things, the more you’ll notice them and more of these things will show up.
Keeping a journal during this time can be helpful too. Even if you don’t pour your heart out like a 14 year old girl writing in her dairy with the lock and key on it, it can be really helpful to have it down on paper right in front of you each thing that you notice throughout the day that you’re grateful for and that brings you joy and happiness. Then you can’t really deny that there are things in your life that make you happy that have nothing to do with your ex or a boyfriend in general!
Now, here’s another thing I want you to remember. Never ever in a million years, no matter what he would have done for you, even if things were perfect, he would have let you down at some point. It’s not his fault! It’s just what happens. In fact, it will happen at one time or another with every single person in your life no matter how awesome they are. Everyone let’s us down sooner or later even if it’s just for a little while.
This is one of the reasons why we have to always be willing to accept the fact that nobody will ever make us as happy as we can make ourselves. The person who you need to count on making you happy, is you. So for now just focus on what you can do to make you happy.
You might be thinking by now “Well, how is that helping me let go?” Because your not focusing on him. You’re not focusing on what he did to hurt you or how he took advantage of you or all the ways he didn’t do to make you happy. Instead you’re putting your time, focus, and attention on yourself and the things that make you happy. If you want to be the best version of yourself you have to focus on yourself!
OK, here are a few other little things you can do.
✨Get rid of things that he gave you that you really don’t need. Even things that you are fond. Even if you can give something a different reason to like it, he’ll always be attached to that thing emotionally and energetically so you’ll never truly not think of him when you see/use that thing. Replace these objects with things you pick out and buy for yourself that are better and more empowering.
✨If you have any mutual friends be mindful in the beginning of possibly bumping into each other when out with friends.
✨When you find yourself thinking of him or something that reminds you of him pops up, create a trigger to turn your attention. For instance, when you find yourself thinking of him and you recognize it, consciously turn your attention to think about something else like kittens or rainbows or unicorns…it doesn’t really matter what, just something that you can think about and get distracted by. Eventually you’ll find that you only think of him for a split second before you find yourself day dreaming of riding a unicorn over a rainbow instead.
✨Working with crystals is super simple. All you need to do is cleanse or tune the stone and then carry it, wear it as jewelry, have it on your desk at home or work or have it next to your bed when you sleep. Just having the stone with you in your space will cause your energy to shift vibration. When you start to feel the stone isn’t doing what it used to, retune or cleanse and you’re ready to start again.
✨Working with oils and crystals always make me feel better when it comes to things like letting go. Some great crystals to work with are rose quartz for self-love, aquamarine for releasing anger and hurt feelings, citrine for inviting in positive and bright thoughts and emotions, labradorite for cutting away energetic connections to him, and rutilated quartz for being more grounded in who you are while clearing your energy field of old attachments.
For oils you can wear or diffuse jasmine to let go of stress around the situation, bergamot for releasing anger and fear, sandalwood to boost your independence and to support being on your own again, and the queen of all essential oils of emotional healing, Melissa. Melissa officianlis, also known as Lemon Balm, is a powerful oil for harmonizing mind, body, and spirit and helping to clear your emotional palette, so to speak, after break up.
When you go to use one of your oils, hold it for a moment, inhale the scent, and recite out loud a positive affirmation associated with what that oil is for. For instance, if you’re going to use bergamot, you might say “I am free of all my anger and replace it with love.” Create affirmations that are “I am” statements in present tense that resonate with you and what you need.
✨And of course there’s also the good old trick of writing him a letter telling him everything you need to but which you haven’t, whether it’s sad, angry, or downright nasty and riddled with four letter words. Then when you’re done you take that letter and burn it to ash, scattering the ashes when you’re done like you’re scattering ashes after a creation. This signals the final end of your connection and releases all your hurt feelings into the ethers.
All in all, my best advice I can give you is to take your time, focus on you, and know that as long as you’re loving yourself and making yourself happy you’ll slowly attract the right people into your life who can love you and make you happy too.
