Our self-esteem is a delicate thing.  It doesn’t take much for us to destroy it, especially when the way we talk to ourselves about ourselves isn’t kept in check.  The truth is most of us don’t even think about it but we should – and there is one real simply mistake that we all make that could destroy our sense of security.  The good news is it can be easily turned around with one little trick.

I don’t want to hold you in suspense, so let me just tell you upfront and tell you what this big mistake it.

 

[fontpress type=”webfonts” name=”Cabin Sketch” size=”22px” lh=”28px” color=”#000000″]Saying “I am” instead of “I feel” when dealing with big emotions and reactions.[/fontpress]

 

We have a habit of saying “I am” when we’re talking about how we feel.

 

I am angry.
I am sick.
I am sad.
I am frustrated.

 

This isn’t always a bad thing!  We also use more positive “I am” statements all the time in the form of affirmations.  But consider the fact that all “I am” statements are affirmations.  [fontpress type=”webfonts” name=”Cabin Sketch” size=”16px” lh=”16px” color=”#000000″]Some affirmations are positive and some are negative.[/fontpress]  We need to be aware of which we’re saying to ourselves.

 

Why does this “I am” stuff matter?  When we say and reinforce “I am” statements over and over  to ourselves we create something in our minds that we believe to be a true statement about ourselves.  We become attached to “I am” statements and we have a tendency to say them over and over.

 

“I am” statements are ones that we identify with and that become strong personal beliefs for us.  The more we say it, the more we identify, the more they make up who we are, what we think of ourselves, and ultimately how we are in the world.

 

[fontpress type=”webfonts” name=”Cabin Sketch” size=”16px” lh=”20px” color=”#000000″]This is what makes positive affirmations so powerful but it’s also what makes negative ones so damaging to us![/fontpress]

 

So what should we do when we recognize that we’re latching on to negative “I am” statements and sabotaging our self-esteem?  We need to flip them and turn them into “I feel” statements.

 

Rather than saying “I am angry”, which makes you identify as anger, as though anger is part of who you are, we can turn it to “I feel angry.”  This is a more true statement for several reasons but the big one is that it detaches you a bit from the emotion and gives you more control over it.

 

Usually negative “I am” statements are focused on an emotion.  Emotions are just feelings and energy that comes and goes.  “I feel” statements give us more control and separate us from it enough to recognize we are not our anger or whatever it is and we have control over how much power that has in our lives.

 

The thing to remember about emotions is that they are just reactions and responses to things that are happening outside of ourselves.  We have the control over how we express those reactions and how we deal with our emotions.  How we deal with our emotions affects how we live our life.

 

[fontpress type=”webfonts” name=”Cabin Sketch” size=”16px” lh=”20px” color=”#000000″]Emotional control = peace + happiness![/fontpress]

 

OH!  But there’s also this…

 

[fontpress type=”webfonts” name=”Cabin Sketch” size=”16px” lh=”16px” color=”#000000″]Nerd Alert:[/fontpress] Consider too that our limbic system, our flight or flight instincts, become engaged when we get emotional.  When we say “I am angry” blood goes to the limbic system feeds it.  We get into flight mode and stay there until that subsides.

 

When we say “I feel angry” instead our bodies shift and the blood actually flows away from the limbic system toward the prefrontal cortex.  This area of the brain is where we solve problems and conflicts and cultivate compassion.  Here we’re able to work out what’s bothering us and develop more love for ourselves which means more glowing self-esteem!

 

[fontpress type=”webfonts” name=”Cabin Sketch” size=”16px” lh=”22px” color=”#000000″]What are your most common “I am” statements that you repeat to yourself?
Do you notice the difference in how your body feels when you use “I am” and “I feel”?
Do you see a difference in your life when you’re only using positive “I am” statements? [/fontpress]