It’s Valentine’s Day!  And you know what that means – lots of blog posts about love and soul mates.  I get asked about soul mates a lot and I often find the perception people have about soul mates is the biggest thing keeping them from having a soul mate connection to begin with.  So since it’s Valentine’s Day I wanted to share 5 things to keep in mind about soul mates and love, especially if you are alone this year and feeling ready to find someone to share your life with.

1. Know Your Soul Mates

Thanks to various aspects of our culture, we’re often under the impression that a soul mate is going to be someone we’ll fall madly in love with and be with.  But really this isn’t what a soul mate is; a soul mate can be anyone who you connect with on a very deep, natural, instinctual soul-level connection to. This can be a love relationship but it doesn’t have to be.  Sometimes the people we fall in love with, and maybe even spend the rest of our lives with, may not be soul mates but that doesn’t devalue or lessen that connection.  Don’t assume that a soul mate has to be someone you’re romantically involved with.  Connect with and honor all the soul mates in your life no matter who they are to you.

2. Be Open To Love

One problems that manifests for a lot of people when they are looking for new love is that they aren’t really ready to receive new love.  Instead they have ties to a former relationship that they haven’t completely let go of.  Sit down and give yourself the time and space to get any past relationships out of your system.  Journal it out by simply filling pages with the thoughts that keep coming up around these past partners and relationships.  The more you let it out of you in some form the easier it is to let go.  If you just have the conversation in your head you’re still keeping it bottled up inside.  {Also check out this previous post on finding new love called 5 Keys to Calling in New Love.}

3. Be Grateful

You’ve probably heard me say this a lot: If you want something new in your life it starts showing up when you show gratitude for what you already have.  It’s true – gratitude is the great amplifier and magnetic device for all we desire.  If you are spending your days and nights having a pity party with your best friends Ben & Jerry because you don’t have anyone else, you’re pretty much telling the Universe you’re not ready for love.  And you may not be!  You have to get real with yourself about that first and foremost.  But if you honestly feel that you are ready and you want a new partner in your life, maybe even a soul mate partner, then you have to honestly and truly show gratitude for the people you have in your live now, for the love you have had in the past, and for the love you have for yourself.

 

[Tweet “Today I choose to be grateful for the love in my life in all its forms.”]

 

4. Love The Flaws

One thing about soul mates that a lot of people get wrong, in my opinion, is this idea that they will be perfect, that the relationship will be perfect, and that nothing will ever go wrong or rip you apart.  WRONG!  Soul mate relationships get tested time and time again.  Whether we’re talking romantic soul mates or otherwise you will find that you argue, you separate, you see the flaws in each other clearly.  But the difference between this happening with a soul mate and just any other person is that these things don’t keep you apart.  You love the flaws of your soul mate and just know how to work with them and keep things in balance.  If you spend time apart it’s never for long because you always find a way back to each other.  When you argue or there is tension it’s filled with passion, but passion because you care deeply and feel not only your pain but theirs as well.  Soul mates are never perfect because we aren’t perfect.  To expect anything else is ridiculous.

5. Don’t Look For Your Soul Mate

“So after all this other stuff you want me to not even look for my soul mate?” Damn right!  The reason we often end up failed relationships over and over is because we’re looking for our soul mate and spending so much time scrutinizing the relationship and the other person that we never really let things happen naturally and we don’t enjoy it while it’s happening.  You can do two things:  let your soul mate come to you naturally or develop a soul mate relationship with someone.  You can cultivate the core aspects of a soul mate relationship with someone but only if that person is willing to do it too.  You both have to be on the same page and want that same deep connection.  If you do together you can consciously, and with intention, develop the key soul mate traits.

• deep understand of one another on all levels
• loving the flaws
• a strong unified front against anything that comes against you
• safety and security
• deep mental connections that feel intuitive or psychic

All of these things take time to develop, and often when you work on this together and you get to a point where you have strongly cultivated this partnership you end up in a place where you can’t imagine ever being apart.

There’s no shame in your game if you decide to consciously and intentionally create your soul mate relationship!  That doesn’t make it a “fake soul mate” connection!

Soul Mate Pro Tip: Don’t look for someone that is going to save you.  Don’t look for someone who is going to be the end all be all of your existence or who is going to make your life worth living.  That’s not a soul mate!  The first and most important savior relationship you should have and be developing is with yourself!  The only person you should depend on to think you’re beautiful and amazing is you.  Because if you don’t see yourself that way nobody else will, soul mate included!

[Tweet “The most important soul mate relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.”]

Keeping your mind and heart open and not trying to force the soul mate role on someone is the first step to being truly open to this possible experience in your life.  But I guarantee you that you have at least one or two soul mates in your life already, you just didn’t know to look.  Honor them as you see them today.

 

 

Wishing you lots of love this Valentine’s Day!